


Hunk Drunk

by truthinadvertising



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-05-16 08:57:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5822443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truthinadvertising/pseuds/truthinadvertising
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Kuroo, I wanna hear your idea!”</p><p>“Alright, it’s great, you ready? I booked us as strippers.” </p><p>There was silence before…</p><p>“COOL!!”</p><p>“What.”</p><p>“Oh how flattering!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. S.O.S at The Captain's Quarters

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty sure my BFF and I were at a diner when we went, yes, Haikyuu!! Magic Mike AU thing. 
> 
> It's trash, have fun and bless you.

They called it “The Captain’s Quarters” because they thought they were funny, well Bokuto, Kuroo, and Oikawa thought they were funny, Daichi just kind of let them do what they wanted then it was innocent. The 4 bedroom house had been a blessing to the college boys at first but now they found themselves floundering to pay the rent through once instance or another. Daichi had been laid off from the little bookstore he had been working at a month ago. Bokuto was actually looking for a job but not having any luck, they hypothesized that his energy scared people. Kuroo worked with the school to help dock some of his tuition but was running on his quickly depleting savings for his share. And Oikawa’s parents seem to have finally had enough of his exorbitant use of their money and cut him off until further notice. To put it bluntly, they were desperately scrambling to try and figure out what to do until Kuroo came home with an idea. 

 

*****

Kuroo had texted his roommates hoping to speak to them about the proposition he had received earlier that day that might be able to put them back on their feet for a little while at least. It would require some work on their part sure, but what job didn’t? He was up for it, hopefully the guys would be too. 

 

He stepped through the front door announcing his presence and heard Oikawa call him. “We’re in the kitchen Tetsu-chan!” He found his friends in various states of making dinner which was odd. Normally they ate takeout and instant ramen. But Oikawa was cutting vegetables for Daichi who was manning the stove (wisely, last time they let Oikawa use a heating element it smelled like toast for a week). Bokuto had “helped” by setting the table and was tossing a volleyball against the wall, humming to himself.

 

“What’s with all this domesticity?” Kuroo asked dropping his bag in the hallway. 

 

“You know cooking your own food is cheaper than take out right, Kuroo?” Daichi asked. 

 

“It’s just so cute!” Kuroo teased. “Mom, Dad, and baby!” He cooed ruffling Bokutos spikey hair and ducking the volleyball that came at him. 

 

“Stop destroying the house!” Daichi said pointing a threatening spoon at the other two. 

 

“You really are a dad.” Oikawa mumbled only to get slapped with the spoon and yelp.

 

“Kuroo, I wanna hear your idea!” Bokuto groaned, getting up and throwing himself over Kuroo’s shoulders. 

 

“Alright, it’s great, you ready?” Kuroo huffed, Bokuto climbed off him and sat back down expectantly. “I booked us as strippers.” 

 

There was silence before…

 

“COOL!!”

 

“What.”

 

“Oh how flattering!” 

 

“Let me explain!” Kuroo jumped back in. “I met a girl today who is throwing this huge bachelorette party, like 100 people huge, and I heard her going on and on about how expensive strippers were for that many people that weren’t, you know, gross. So I, being the suave gentleman I am, lied to her face and told her I could hook her up with some really hot guys at lower than market price. With her booking fee we’ll be able to afford next month’s rent and with tips I think we’ll be able to get another month so we have some cushion time to get back together.” 

 

“And you thought we were the best people for this why?” Daichi asked rubbing his forehead. 

 

“Well, I know how to dance and I just kind of assume Oikawa does because he looks like he looks. Everybody likes Bokuto and you’re not ugly Sawamura.” 

 

“I’m down for it!” Bokuto said to no one’s surprise. “It sounds like fun and we’ll get to show all those nice girls a nice time and they can have fun!” 

 

“You’re so sweet Kou-Chan.” Oikawa said shaking his head. 

 

“You in or not Grand King?” Kuroo asked impatiently. 

 

“Tetsu-chan I flirt and bask in the admiration of a sex I have no interest in every day. I’d love to do it for pay.” he said winking. “Plus I haven’t practiced my moves in the mirror since high school for nothing.” 

 

“You’re gross and I hate you.” Kuroo chuckled. Three pairs of eyes turned on Daichi who seemed to be trying to blend in with the stove. “Daichiiii…” Kuroo drawled crossing his arms. 

 

“I just don’t think my hips can move that way…” Daichi muttered lamely. Oikawa barked out a laugh. 

 

“Oh, I am  _ sure _ if I call Refreshing-kun he’ll tell exactly how your hips move Dai-chan.” Daichi flushed bright red as Bokuto and Kuroo howled with laughter. 

 

“Fine!” Daichi spat. “Not like I have much of a choice do I? I’ll need some help but I’m in.” 

 

“Well, we’ll have to start planning…” Oikawa started before he was cut off by Kuroo. 

 

“There is one more thing I need to tell you first.” Kuroo said rubbing the back of his neck. 

 

“I’m not having sex with anyone.” Daichi said firmly. 

 

“No, no, I’m not whoring us out. It’s just… she ordered six strippers.” It was almost possible to see Bokuto’s hair deflate. 

 

“But there are only four of us.” he supplied. 

 

“I know, we need to see if we can find two more hot friends who love us enough to help out.” 

 

“And who the actual fuck is going to do that?” Daichi asked sounding more chipper than his words implied. 

 

“Well,” Kuroo turned to Bokuto “I thought maybe you could ask Akaashi? Since he’s already used to performing from gymnastics maybe he might be okay with helping? And obviously he’s stunning. And I say that in a strictly bro way.” He covered  when Bokuto’s eyebrow twitched, he was very protective of his boyfriend. 

 

“I’ll ask him, since it’s for us I think I can get him to help.” Bokuto pulled out his phone and went into the other room to call Akaashi. 

 

“So who else?” Daichi asked. “If Akaashi says yes we have 5. We still need someone else.”

 

“Already on it.” Oikawa said, his thumbs flying across his phone screen. 

 

“You have numbers in that phone that aren’t fangirls?” Kuroo asked, ribbing him. 

 

“Well I have your number….but wait you are one of my fangirls so never mind.” Oikawa stuck his tongue out at him as his phone pinged. “Ah! Great. He says yes!” 

 

“He who?” Daichi asked suspiciously. 

 

“Ushiwaka-chan, of course!” Oikawa beamed. “He’s been pitiful since he tore his rotator cuff and I know he’s saving up for his out patient treatments after his surgery so he can make a bit if he keeps his tips and obviously he’s ripped so if we do something about his hair we could make him decent to look at. Plus when it come to anything not volleyball it’s ridiculously easy to tell him what to do so he’ll listen to what we want from him.” 

 

“Alright then!” Kuroo beamed. Ushijima wasn’t really his first choice for a male stripper but who cares they needed hot bodies that were breathing and Ushijima fit the bill. They were sitting around their table trying to come up with ideas when Bokuto came back in with downcast eyes. 

 

“He said no didn’t he?” Daichi asked doodling in the notebook in front of him. 

 

“Yeah, he said he understood how important it was and he wished he could help but he was just really uncomfortable. He sounded so weird I feel bad that I asked him. Bokuto explained slumping into a chair and letting his head fall on the table with a thunk. Kuroo patted him on the back. 

 

“You shouldn’t feel bad bro, you just asked, you didn’t pressure him when he said he didn’t want to join us, I don’t think he’s mad. Not everyone is comfortable with it and that’s not a problem.” 

 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Bokuto said still sounding down. “But we’re still short.”

 

“Just one man though.” Daichi said “Oikawa got Ushijima to join us.” Bokuto blinked, slightly confused that the stoic man who be interested but shrugged. 

 

“Just one then…” Their thoughtful silence was interrupted but a faint buzzing from Oikawa’s pocket. 

 

“If that’s Ushijima backing out tell him you’re not home.” Kuroo supplied as Oikawa fished his phone out. A positively evil smirk slid across Oikawa’s face, which made the others look at each other like they should all be praying for the soul on the other line, and he answered the call. 

 

“Hellooooo Iwa-chan! What? No, I made dinner at home. Hey, why don’t you come over? We made so much food and I think there is still some tofu I can make for you if you’d like….why would I not be nice to my dearest friend?.... I have never done anything shitty in my life Iwa-chan... That was once….. I’ll see you in a bit Iwa-chan.” 

 

Daichi slid the notebook to the center of the table which had a headstone drawn on it that said “R.I.P Iwaizumi” and Bokuto and Kuroo gripped each other in laughter. Once they had calmed down Kuroo looked over at Oikawa. 

 

“He’s not gonna say yes. I didn’t suggest him because I knew he would be the last person on earth to say yes.” 

 

“Tetsu-chan. Do you realize that Iwa-chan hates tomatoes; and when I was 6 I had a canker sore in my mouth and it hurt so much to eat the tomatoes in my bento that Iwa-chan ate them for me so I wouldn’t get in trouble? Or he tried to, he threw up they were so gross to him. But the point is that he made himself sick so that I wouldn’t get in trouble. I think I can get him to take his clothes off so I don’t become homeless.” 

 

“Wow, he’s like, a saint or something.” Bokuto said, impressed. 

 

“You should probably just tell him if you get kicked out you’re coming to live with him. He probably would whore himself out to prevent that.” Daichi chuckled remembering their first year when Iwaizumi adamantly refused to room with Oikawa saying he wanted to avoid an aneurysm if at all possible. They finished getting dinner ready so they would have some food to ply Iwaizumi with when he got here. Eventually there was a rapt knock on the door and Bokuto went to let Iwaizumi in while Daichi fished tofu cubes out of the oil. Bokuto lead him back into the kitchen having already launched into a story about a new action film he saw he thought Iwaizumi would like. He greeted everyone and got into line to help himself to food. 

 

They were all picking through their dinners in the living room in comfortable silence when Kuroo piped up. “Iwaizumi, how many dicks would you suck to keep Oikawa out of your apartment?” Daichi and Oikawa both choked on their food, Bokuto snorted into his broth, and Iwaizumi looked up at Kuroo calmly and said. 

 

“All of them.” 

 

Daichi choked again, Bokuto got noodles in his nose, and Oikawa slapped Iwaizumi on the shoulder with a “Meanie, Iwa-chan.” 

 

“Well, how would you feel if I told you I have a way you can keep Oikawa out of your space that involves absolutely no dick sucking?”

 

“Is the alternative to this “way” involve me starting to practice with tying cherry stems with my tongue?” 

 

“Basically.”

 

“God, Sawamura I trusted you, what did you let them get into now?” Iwaizumi sighed lolling his head to the side to look at Daichi. Daichi didn’t look up and pushed his food around his bowl. 

 

“I’m kinda in it with them.” he confessed. 

 

“I can’t let you children out of my sight.” Iwaizumi deadpanned wiping his hand over his face. “Alright, what’s up?” 

 

“Well you know we’ve been having some money issues I’m sure and I found a job in order for us to make some cash to cover rent for the next two months while we scramble for work.” Kuroo explained. 

 

“A non-dick-sucking job?” 

 

“Yep! The downside to this opportunity is it’s a six-man non-dick-sucking job and we need someone else to help us.” 

 

“So you want me to be your sixth man? Who’s the fifth?” 

 

“Ushiwaka-chan.” Oikawa supplied helpfully from his side. Iwaizumi looked like he wanted to hit someone. Oikawa may have lightened up to Ushijima slightly but Iwaizumi was still cloudy on the subject of the spiker. 

 

“So, you guys want me and Ushiwaka to help you with this mysterious job. If I say no how fucked are you guys?” 

 

“Rent is in two weeks and we did the math and we’ll have $300 between us.” Daichi said sheepishly. 

 

“So, we’re royally fucked.” Kuroo said. Iwaizumi looked slightly hopeless as he looked between the four other men. 

 

“I am way too fucking nice for my own good.” He said sighing. “What is this job?”  The four of them looked between each other in silent conversation for a moment which ended with all eyes on Oikawa and a cocked eyebrow here and there. Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

 

“Well, Iwa-chan we will be attending a very large event as male entertainers.” 

 

“I’m not even fucking surprised anymore.” Iwaizumi mumbled. “Strippers? We’re gonna be strippers?” The room nodded to him. “Fine. Whatever. I’m keeping all $6 I make in tips though.” 


	2. The Best Laid Plans

Kuroo had been making phone calls all afternoon trying to get the 6 of them together to make a plan for what they were going to do at this party since he had officially accepted the job after Iwaizumi had given in. They needed to get organized and his inner team captain was taking over but he had eventually gotten hold of everyone and made plans to meet at the Captain's Quarters that evening when everyone had finished for the day. 

 

He rode home with Bokuto. The city wasn’t too big so they were able to get around fairly easily on their bikes and that meant more than a few good natured races for the best friends. Today Bokuto was kicking his ass. It didn’t help that he was distracted but sure enough Bokuto skidded into the drive before him, whooping. 

 

“Come on you lazy cat, get your booty in gear!” He grinned as Kuroo pulled up beside him and flicked his nose. 

 

“You’re just lucky today you noisy ass owl.” 

 

“Technically, aren’t we all Foxes now? Since we’re at the same school and all?” a voice behind them asked and when they turned they saw Oikawa had joined them, dressed like he had come back from a run. 

 

“Just because you didn’t have a real mascot in high school doesn’t mean you can ruin our lingo.” Bokuto pouted crossing his arms. 

 

“Please, I was the mascot. Now lock up your bikes- it appears we have guests.” Oikawa smirked waving to the three cars pulled up next to the house. Two were familiar, Daichi’s black hatchback was there everyday and Iwaizumi’s beat up purple coupe was there making their house and eyesore  _ almost _ everyday. The other car wasn’t familiar, a silver four door. 

 

_ That must be Ushijima _ Kuroo guessed as the three of them stumbled through the door. They kicked off their shoes and went to find their friends in the living room although there seemed to be more people than anticipated. 

 

“So Suga was here when you called and he didn’t seem to mind us…” Daichi began from his spot in the armchair. Suga, sitting against Diachi’s legs, swatted at his knee and finished

 

“I’m actually here to laugh at you all and make lewd comments.” He said with a bright grin. They heard Oikawa mumbled something about “not-so-refreshing-kun” as he flung himself on the sofa next to Ushijima. 

 

“And, um, I hope it’s okay but I always give Yachi a ride back to the apartment and I didn’t want to leave her stranded…” Iwaizumi said rubbing the back of his neck while the shorter girl next to him, his roommate Yachi, waved at them. 

 

“If it’s alright I’ve brought some work to do, I can just set up in the kitchen. I know you’re all a little embarrassed but I think you’ll be great!” Yachi gave Iwaizumi’s arm a squeeze and went off in the direction of the kitchen. 

 

“Alright, everybody sit down.” Kuroo said pulling paper out of his bag while Iwaizumi and Bokuto wrestled over the last chair. Iwaizumi won but Bokuto just sat on his lap and Iwaizumi didn’t push him away. “We’ve got a lot of plan, we have to look legit and not just like some bozos gyrating around. Now, let’s get organized.” He put his pen to the top of the paper to write but then stopped. “I should tell you that when I talked to Eri, the girl who’s party we’re playing, she asked for the name of our group so I just had to make one up on the spot so please don’t kill me when I tell you.”

 

“Honestly Kuroo, there is nothing you could have said to make this more awkward than it already is.” Daichi said resignedly. 

 

“Well, alright.” Using firm strokes Kuroo wrote the name of the group across the top of his page and showed the group. 

 

“Hunk Drunk?” Ushijima asked furrowing his eyebrows. “I thought we were dancing not drinking.” Bokuto howled with laughter causing Iwaizumi to grab him so he didn’t fall on his face. Daichi and Kuroo exchanged glances that said  _ what have we done  _ and Oikawa patted Ushijima’s arm placatingly. 

 

“It’s an expression Ushi-chan. It describes the drunk like feeling that ladies get when they are around a lot of attractive men. There is no drinking involved. For us anyway.” 

 

“I think Hunk Drunk is catchy!” Suga supplied from the floor which seemed to end all conflict. 

 

“Right then. Glad we like it.” Kuroo said. “Moving on, there are some things we need to decide on. First we need to decide how we’re going to break up the dancers. Second we need to give everyone a character persona kind of a thing. Third we need to assign people to be in charge of various things we need to do like costumes and music. Fourth we need to figure out who can dance and who is the most tragic. Sound good?” The group gave various nods and grunts of affirmation now fully engaged. 

 

“Well, I did have an idea for how to break up the dancers, Tetsu-chan.” Oikawa supplied sitting forward. “So mostly our performance is on a stage right?” Kuroo nodded.  “Well, my idea was to put three acts onstage, two solos and a duet for a sprinkle of that BL nonsense the ladies are so fond of. And then have the other two work the crowd, lapdances, flirting, keep them in the mood. Then I think everyone will have a chance to do well on tips and there is enough going on to keep people occupied.” 

 

“Wow, I’m surprised that isn’t stupid.” Iwaizumi muttered earning a squeak from Oikawa. “No, I mean, I thought you were just being an ass but you actually thought about it and that makes a lot of sense.” 

 

“I agree.” Ushijima nodded, Iwaizumi rolling his eyes behind his gaze. 

 

“Can I be on the floor?” Bokuto asked excitedly “I’d be really good at it!” to prove it he ground his hips back which made Iwaizumi yelp and shove him to the floor. “See!” Bokuto said popping up. “Even Zumi likes me!” 

 

“I said no such….”

 

“Moving on.” Daichi interrupted. “I think we all like Oikawa’s idea. So why don’t we decide who goes where?” 

 

“Well Bokuto called dibs on being a floor person.” Kuroo said jotting it down. 

 

“I think I should be the other person on the floor.” Ushijima volunteered “I think it will be easier on my arm and I don’t want to exacerbate it.” Even Suga joined in the weird looks that went around the group at that statement. Ushijima, on the floor? Interacting with people? 

 

“Don’t worry I can take care of Ushi-chan. Put him on the floor. He’s doing this as a favor to us we should put him where he’s comfortable.” Oikawa countered stepping in for his teammate. Kuroo put up a hand and wrote Ushijima’s name down. 

 

“Well that’s settled. Now how about the stage? Two solos and a duet?” 

 

“I think Iwaizumi and I should do the duet.” Daichi piped up. “We could help each other out.” 

 

“You two are the same type how would that work?” Bokuto asked looking between them. 

 

“Plus we said we wanted it to have vague BL tones.” Kuroo said. “We can’t have two semes that doesn’t work” Iwaizumi spluttered indignantly. 

 

“But you have that top persona too Kuroo-san.” Suga piped up. “So obviously Oikawa has to have one of the places in the duet because...well….” he trailed off smirking at Oikawa. 

 

“I’d watch who you’re calling a bottom bitch  _ Sugar _ , we can all hear what happens when you sleep over.” Oikawa winked in Suga’s direction who just beamed back at him. 

 

“You gonna play uke or not Oikawa?” Kuroo sighed. 

 

“Obviously. You’re all too rough for that anyway.” Oikawa said tossing his hair. 

 

“Fine. Iwaizumi do you want to…”

 

“NO.” Oikawa and Iwaizumi shouted at the same time. The room looked between them and even Yachi stuck her head out of the kitchen to see if everything was alright. 

 

“I’d, um..” Iwaizumi cleared his throat. “I think I’d rather do a solo.” 

 

“That’s fine too.” Kuroo said, he wasn’t going to push that whatever it was. He wasn’t an idiot. “Daichi what about you? You wanna go solo or with his highness over here?” Daichi thought for a second before he finally realized how close he would have to get to Oikawa. 

 

“I think I’ll take a solo too.” he finally answered. 

 

“I think that's good.” Kuroo said “Then we can do the duet as a finale since you and I have some experience.” Kuroo nodded towards Oikawa who flashed him a peace sign. “Great that’s one thing down. We’re doing well, we’re doing well. So now we need to figure out our personas.” 

 

“Well, having a random bunch of personas is kind of lame.” Daichi said “The cowboy, the fireman, that kind of thing is a bit kitschy.” 

 

“We need a theme.” Oikawa mumbled lost in thought. “A throughline” 

 

“I have an idea.” Ushijima said raising a finger. “The idea of strippers is sinful correct? As is drinking and sex and those kinds of activities.”

 

“Ushijima said sex.” Bokuto giggled into his tshirt. 

 

“What if everyone played an opposite? The “good” or “evil” version of the same trope? For instance the duet could easily be an angel and a devil.” Everyone was staring at him with looks of awe or confusion. “It was just an idea…” he said rubbing his hands together. 

 

“Ushiwaka, you’re a genius on and off the court.” Kuroo said hurriedly scribbling down what he said. “Brilliant. So that means you and Bokuto are a pair and Daichi and Iwaizumi are a pair. Good, keep thinking!” 

 

“I know I was here to make fun of you but I have an idea.” Suga interjected softly.

 

“Let’s hear it.” Daichi prompted massaging his boyfriend’s shoulders lightly. 

 

“Well the classic good boy/bad boy I think would be good for Iwaizumi and Daichi. One could be a shy bookish type and the other a leather biker type. I think it would work cause they look so similar, it’s like two sides of a coin.” 

 

“I love it!” Bokuto hooted throwing his arms up. “Daichi is pretty scary when he’s mad but Iwaizumi always looks like he just killed someone so I think Daichi should be the cute one.” 

 

“Excuse you, I am the cute one.” Daichi chuckled. 

 

“I do not look like I just killed someone. It’s just my face. I was born with it.” Iwaizumi snapped. Though he was completely thrown when Daichi and Suga started snorting with laughter. “But it’s a good idea. I’m down.” 

 

“Good Boy Daichi, Bad Boy Iwaizumi….” Kuroo scribbled. “Alright, now we need our floor men.” 

 

“What’s that book that all the mom’s like to read?” Iwaizumi asked. “The one with the tie?” 

 

“Iwa-chan are you actually thinking of that horrible 50 Shades of Grey book?” Oikawa asked with a disgusted look on his face. 

 

“Well, kind of, but listen. So the idea is there is a dominant and a submissive right? So the “good” character is submissive to the guests and aims to please do whatever they want blah blah blah and the “evil” character is the dominant one so they have to fight to get his attention and stuff. Plus obviously Ushijima needs to be the dominant one and that’ll be less taxing on his arm.”

 

“And I bet he looks damn good in a suit too.” Kuroo said nodding along and sweeping his eyes over Ushijima. 

 

“I look decent.” Ushijima said with a nod. 

 

“What about meeeeee???” Bokuto whined. 

 

“Bo you get to do what you always do, you get to try and make people happy.” Daichi said with a girn. 

 

“I’m good at that.” Bokuto said proudly. 

 

“Excellent now that that’s done we can start assigning projects. I think the Captain’s Quarters should take the bigger jobs since this is our problem and all. So if Daichi takes costumes, Bokuto takes the music, and Oikawa and I work on routines I think…” 

 

“Sorry to interrupt,” a high voice from behind them said. 

 

“No problem, Yachi, what’s up?” Iwaizumi asked. 

 

“Would it be possible….I mean….if you didn’t mind….I just….well...Is it possible that maybe...I could design your costumes?” 

 

Daichi and Iwaizumi, Yachi’s adopted dad and big brother respectively, almost passed out, Oikawa and Suga wolf whistled, Kuroo started laughing like a hyena, poor Ushijima just looked confused, and Bokuto ran to Yachi and threw his arms around her. 

 

“It’s gonna be so cool with your help Yachi! You’re the best for it! With your graphic design major and helping out the theatre department so much! Man we’re gonna look AWESOME.” When Bokuto finally let her go she went over to Daichi and tentatively patted his hand. 

 

“We’ll be a good team right Daichi-san?” She said smiling. 

 

“Yachi, I have no idea what I’m doing so I’ll do whatever you want me to. I’m answering to you know.” 

 

“Right!” Kuroo called out, captain voice returning. “So. Yachi is in charge of costumes with Daichi as her personal bitch. Bokuto is in charge of music- please feel free to let Akaashi help you. And Oikawa and I are in charge of the routines. Ushijima and Iwaizumi you are in charge of continuing to get yourselves to the gym. That goes for everyone, three gym days and a rest day repeat. Got it? We want tips we have to look good. Alright now. Last thing.” Kuroo rummaged around in his backpack and pulled out a DVD case labeled “Aerobic Strip Tease”. “Move the table boys, it’s time to get a baseline.”  

 


	3. The Loosen Up Squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm glad you're all enjoying this! I've got a short chapter right now because the one I was working on was turning into a beast so I'm splitting it up a bit so hopefully I'll have the next one up fairly shortly!

While Kuroo was putting the DVD in, and the others were making room for the 6 of them to dance, Ushijima picked up the DVD case and squinted at Carmen Electra before he started reading the back. 

 

“Is it alright if I ask a question?” He asked glancing over a Kuroo who nodded encouragingly. “This exercise regimen is for females correct?” 

 

“Yeah,” Kuroo said fiddling with the settings on the TV. “There aren’t exactly a lot of videos with the technique for guys, I mean most of it is just thrusting, but I figured we can just pop in the easy routine to see how bodies work. Female stripping is more dance based anyway so maybe we can use some moves.” Ushijima nodded putting the case back down to join the others. 

 

“So,” Kuroo instructed setting up the dance he wanted from the menu “They teach you the dance step by step and then they run through the whole thing a few times. We’ll all learn it and run it once or twice and then we’ll have Oikawa break off and take some notes. That alright,  trash king ?” Oikawa flashed him a peace sign. “Cool, so find some space.” 

 

They wound up having to stand in two lines with Kuroo, Bokuto, and Oikawa up front while the other three, who were definitely not hiding, in the second row. Daichi looked out of the corner of his eye at Suga who was perched on an armchair and playing with with phone. 

 

“Koushi, I swear to god if you make a video of us…” Suga giggled. 

 

“Trust me Daichi, no one is gonna want to see this trainwreck.” Daichi huffed and Bokuto snickered as the routine started. 

 

It wasn’t necessarily hard. There was a lot of hair tossing that really only Oikawa could pull off. But the moves were pretty simple it seemed to be mostly about the attitude. When Oikawa broke off to check them out it was pretty clear that the group could be pretty good if they loosened the fuck up. When they stopped Oikawa reported on each of them. 

 

“Alright, it could have been worse. Kou-chan you’re actually very good but you need to focus okay? You’re attention is all over the place and you need to focus on the one person you’re trying to get to tip you right?” 

 

“I knew I’d be good!” Bokuto beamed pumping his fist and kicking his feet a little. 

 

“Did you hear anything else I said Kou-chan?” 

 

“What? Oh yeah. Focus.” he nodded vigorously. 

 

“We’ll work on that. Okay Tetsu-chan you’re great keep doing what you’re doing. Dai-chan you are the worst offender in the “loosen up squad”. You’re not bad okay? You’re just tight as a virgin’s asshole.” 

 

“Don’t be gross, Trashykawa.” Suga howled with laughted and Oikawa continued like he hadn’t heard Iwaizumi. 

 

“If you’re afraid someone is looking at you it’s not gonna pan out. So we’ll work on that for you. Now you, meanie Iwa-chan. You do well and then it’s like your brain goes “wait I’m supposed to be bad at this” and you get all insecure. 5 seconds of sexy dancing is not worth 5 minutes of awkwardness. Now Ushi-chan, are you aware you have joints in your body?”

 

“Um, yes?” Ushijima stuttered, caught off guard. 

 

“Good then use them. You need to get more fluid. When you go to spike you don’t stop your arm the second you hit the ball right? It’s all about follow through. Same thing here. Everybody got it?” 

 

“Jesus, was he like this when he was Captain?” Daichi muttered to Iwaizumi. “He’s brutal.” 

 

“Yeah, you get used to it.” 

 

“So, maybe we each take two to work with?” Kuroo recommended. “Who do you want Oikawa?” 

 

“We’re just picking teams gym class style now?” Iwaizumi snarked back to Daichi who chuckled. 

 

“I want Kou-chan and Ushi-chan. Those two are being rude and don’t deserve my tutelage.” Oikawa sneered pointing at pointing at the offending pair as Bokuto cheered and cuffed Oikawa on the shoulder. Ushijima, looking relieved, sidled over to them. 

 

“Oh thank god.” Daichi and Iwaizumi sighed at the same time before laughing. Oikawa pouted and muttered ‘rude’ under his breath. 

 

“Ok, shut up you two, you’re with me.” Kuroo said. “Daichi I seem to remember how much you like flying falls so behave.” 

 

“How come I’m in trouble and not him?” Daichi asked jutting his thumb at Iwaizumi, while Suga clutched his sides laughing huffing out “this is gold”. 

 

“Because I have yet to find his weakness but when I do I will exploit it don’t you worry. Now get over here and let’s chat.” 


	4. One Cranky Cat and One Embarassed Hedgehog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys every have any request's for these nerds, something you'd like to see, feel free to leave it in the comments and I'll certainly consider it :)

“Wah! There’s so many people here!” Bokuto yelled squeezing between Oikawa and Kuroo to go answer the door for hopefully the last time. Tonight they had everybody, and that really meant everybody, even people who weren’t even part of the project, namely- Suga. But Akasshi had come to help Bokuto with the music earlier and wound up getting himself roped into DJing for them. Mixing was his hobby anyway and he didn’t mind helping his boyfriend this way if he wouldn’t dance. 

 

Iwaizumi had brought along Yachi who had dragged her friend Kenma from the costume department along to help her with construction. Kenma was very involved in his PSP when he arrived making Kuroo howl with laughter about how much like a Dad Iwaizumi looked with his kids. He was promptly shut up by a striking glare from the new arrival which made Kuroo’s spine shiver. He was scary. 

 

Suga was there as always, they weren’t really sure why he wasn’t paying rent, chattering to Daichi about the new rare cat he got in Neko Atsume. Oikawa was trying to get the old boom box to work since they had both groups here tonight. And Bokuto finally got to the door to let Ushijima in. 

 

“How’s the shoulder?” Bokuto asked watching Ushijima roll it carefully. 

 

“It is doing better thank you for asking. We did some new exercises in PT today which helped greatly.” Ushijima answered him with a small smile. Bokuto didn’t like to see anyone left out so he made it is special mission to make Ushiwaka feel included. 

 

“Alright so how do we want to split up?” Daichi yelled over the chatter. 

 

“Could we have the living room?” Yachi piped up clutching a roll of what looked like leather. “We’re gonna need some space to make you all look pretty!” 

 

“Pretty’s one word for…” Kenma muttered carefully packing away his PSP to work. 

 

“I think that’s fine.” Kuroo said with a huff “I’ll take tweedle dee and tweedle dum down to the basement. Oikawa why don’t you guys take the back yard? Theres the fence and its a really nice evening.”

 

“That sounds nice, thank you Tetsu-chan.” Oikawa said with a smile as he heavily smacked the boom box into life. “Now that this is working that will be nice. The party is going to be outside isn’t it? Might as well get used to the atmosphere.” 

 

“I’m going to go up to Bokuto-san’s room if that’s alright. I need to be able to hear properly.” Akaashi said motioning to his laptop. 

 

“But don’t you wanna come watch me dance Akaashi?” Bokuto pouted looking sullen. Oikawa sighed, he really didn’t have time for dejected mode. 

 

“I’d rather watch you dance for me Bokuto-san.” Akaashi said pecking him lightly on the cheek and heading upstairs leaving Bokuto stunned. 

 

“Weeelllll thennnn. Shall we?” Iwaizumi said coughing into his fist. The group parted ways Oikawa ushering Ushijima after the exuberant Bokuto in the backyard and Iwaizumi and Daichi dragging Kuroo away from creeping over Kenma’s shoulder as he patterned, to the basement a chipper Suga slipping along behind them. 

 

***

“It’s such a nice evening out!” Oikawa said putting the boombox down stretching his arms over his head, relishing the warm air. “Alright, lets warm up.” They stretched out laughing as Bokuto attempted to get his bearings standing on one foot and face planting into the grass. The group was working well. Oikawa might be tough to please but he was a good teacher and didn’t mind stopping and starting in order to get things perfect. Bokuto had found his rhythm quite quickly and was mastering all the moves Oikawa was teaching them so they were both able to help Ushijima, who needed a little more patience. 

 

They ran through their group intro a few times before Oikawa grabbed a kitchen chair and let them loose on it. They all ran chair dances since once they were done with the stage show the others would be joining them. Oikawa went first, then Bokuto, then Ushijima. Oikawa sat there staring at the man with the chair, his brow furrowed while music blared behind him. 

 

“Kou-chan, come here for a second?” He asked and Bokuto propelled himself across the porch to him. “Alright, I just don’t understand it. He’s not doing anything wrong. He’s not even all tense like he was but he’s still not getting it and I don’t know what to tell him at this point.” Bokuto hummed thoughtfully watching Ushijima seduce an imaginary person. 

 

“Well, maybe it’s the atmosphere. Maybe he needs to imagine someone he likes and that will help him.”

“Kou-chan you can’t fuck a volleyball, although I’m sure he’s tried.”

 

“Hey, don’t be mean Oikawa have you even asked him if he likes people? Hey, Ushiwaka take a break and come here!” Bokuto hollered and puttered with the boom box turning it off. 

 

“How can I adjust?” Ushijima said clearly trying to learn. 

 

“Can you tell us what you’re thinking about when you do the dance?” Bokuto asked him gently. 

 

“I am concentrating on moving my body exactly how Oikawa taught us too.” He answered. Bokuto gave Oikawa a look that said ‘told ya’. 

 

“Well Ushi-chan, I think to help you to have to let the dance moves flow naturally without so much concentration. It doesn’t need to be exact it just has to please your patron.” 

 

“Try imagining someone you like!” Bokuto suggested. Oikawa kicked him and Bokuto poked him in the ribs. “Who’s someone you think is cute?” 

 

“Kimura Saori” Ushijima responded immediately with a sigh.  Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

 

“And who’s that?” Bokuto asked encouragingly. 

 

“You don’t know? You should be more up to date on national volleyball players Bokuto.” Ushijima chided. “She is the captain of the women’s team. She has been to two Olympics and they call her  Miracle Saorin because she can play any position. Her eyes crinkle when she laughs and she always has cute hair…”

 

“Are we really waxing poetic about the Women’s National Captain right now?” Oikawa asked. “This is great, I’ve never seen you blush so hard Ushi-chan.” He said climbing to his feet and prodding a finger to Ushijima’s cheek. “Now clearly you think she’s cute but the question is do you want to screw her.” 

 

“Oikawa that is very rude, she is a real person with feelings.” Ushijima looked offended. 

 

“Whatever, just do it again and think or not think about doing dirty things to your precious captain.” He said as he started the music again. 

 

Both he and Bokuto agreed this fixed the problem. 

 

***

“I don’t understand you two.” Kuroo said “You have your stage dances down perfectly. But you still suck at this lap dance stuff. It's easier for Christ’s sake!”

 

“Well, the stage is a routine we have to make shit up for lap dances, we’re not really improvisors Kuroo.” Daichi snapped back with a growl at the back of his throat. 

 

“How about you two go get some water!” Suga said stepping up from his spot on the stairs. “Kuroo and I can stay down here and cool off. 

 

“Come on.” Iwaizumi said putting his hand on Daichi’s shoulder who shrugged him off and rushed upstairs. Iwaizumi sighed and followed close on his heels. Once they were gone Suga looked over at Kuroo. 

 

“You know they’re trying and frustrated so why are you yelling at them?”

 

“I’m not yelling- I just don’t understand why they can’t do it.”

 

“Well maybe you need to think of a different way to teach them instead of getting in their faces ‘cause Daichi is going to punch you and I don’t think Iwaizumi is going to stop him.” 

 

“Well he shouldn’t be….” Kuroo trailed off looking between Suga and himself, he changed topic “Hey Suga, do you have your wallet?”

 

“Yeah….why?” 

 

“Do you have two dollars?”

 

“Yeah….why, Kuroo?” 

 

“I think I know how to teach them.” 

 

A few minutes later the boys came back calmer and ready to work again, although Daichi was still glowering a little. Both Kuroo and Suga were seated on folding chairs in the middle of the room, prompting Iwaizumi to open his mouth to ask why but he was cut off by Kuroo. 

 

“Alright students, here’s what’s going to happen. You each have a client, Suga and Myself, we each have a dollar.” Suga waved his dollar in front of his face. “You’re going to dance for your client until they feel you have earned the dollar then you may stop. I will keep us down here all night, no one is leaving until you two earn the dollars got it? First one to bring home the bacon get bragging rights.” 

 

“Is it too late to ask to have Oikawa be my teacher?” Iwaizumi asked. 

 

“Oh ho ho, I bet you’d like that Iwaizumi but you’re years too late for that one. You guys ready?” 

 

“Ready as I’m gonna be.” Daichi mumbled moving to stand in front of Suga. 

 

“Ah ah ah.” Kuroo said wagging his finger at Daichi and then slapping his lap. “You’re with me big boy, we’re not gonna make this easy on you.” Daichi spluttered looking between Suga and Kuroo multiple times before whirling on Iwaizumi. 

 

“What did I do?” he asked indignantly. 

 

“Don’t try and steal my boyfriend from me.” Daichi huffed poking him in the chest before stalking over to Kuroo. 

 

“Jesus Christ.” Iwaizumi mumbled rubbing his temples positioning himself in front of Suga. “I would like to formally apologize for this.”

 

“Get ready boys, 3, 2, 1- Go.” Kuroo said hitting the music. 

 

***

“They are talking forever.” Bokuto said throwing a pillow onto his face. “What are they doing?”

 

“Suga texted me to say they might be late because apparently Kuroo is trying to teach lap dancing and it’s not going well.” Oikawa said with a snicker. 

 

“Can we be of any help Yachi-san?” Ushijima asked politely. 

 

“Actually yes!” Yachi said point to a large pile of fabric. “You can start putting that away and gathering scraps for us so we can finish up here.” Bokuto dragged himself up to help Ushijima while Oikawa stayed on the couch playing with his hair. 

 

“You know we all still need names.” he said flicking the lock he was playing with back into place and looking at the others. “I know we decided we wanted to do greek gods but we still haven’t decided on who we want to be.”   

 

“Well, we should be in pairs right? Me and Ushiwaka, Daichi and Iwaizumi, and you and Kuroo. So let’s do me and Ushiwaka first.” 

 

“I think I should be Zeus.” Ushijima said without hesitation. 

 

“Of course you do.” Oikawa muttered. 

 

“I think I should be Zeus because that’s what my character is. The dominant who has everyone chasing him, right?” That is very king of the gods.” 

 

“I suppose that does make sense.” Oikawa conceded bitterly. 

 

“What about me?” Bokuto asked “The only one I can think of that might work is Aphrodite but she’s a girl.” 

 

“Well then be Eros, the god of love, that would be good, don’t you think Ushi-chan?” 

 

“I agree I think they work well together.” 

 

“I was thinking for Kuroo and I that Kuroo would be Hades.” Oikawa supplied. “I’m not sure about myself yet.”  

 

“Well, you could be Narcissus.” Ushijima said with a shurg. 

 

“Ushiwaka-chan you are trying the bonds of our friendship.” Oikawa said rubbing his temples. “I did think of that but I don’t think it fits.” 

 

“Be Hades’s wife then.” Bokuto said traipsing into the kitchen for food.  

 

“Kou-chan if you aren’t a girl why would I be a girl?” 

 

“Well you’re doing the girly boy part of your routine!”

 

“Bokuto-san I don’t know what's going on but I know that was rude so please apologize to all the queer people in the room.” Akaashi droned as he came down the stairs to be with the group with this head in his hand. 

 

“Sorry.” Bokuto said from the kitchen with the air of a child having been caught. “I didn’t mean it that way I just meant…”

 

“It’s okay, we know what you mean.” Yachi said trying to defuse the tension. “You could just not pronounce the ending Oikawa-san. Instead of Persephone you could just be Persephen.”

 

“It certainly sounds more masculine.” Ushijima said putting away the last of the fabric bolts while Akaashi gently assured Bokuto he was fine to come back in the room with this apple over the sounds of footsteps from downstairs. 

 

“Finally!” Oikawa said when the door to the basement opened. “What the hell were you guys doing.” Overlooking the group of them. Kuroo looked as nonchalant as normal, Suga was a slight bit flushed with Daichi close behind him frowning, and Iwaizumi brought up the back with a smug smirk. 

 

“We had a lap dance contest and Iwaizumi won and now lover boy’s jealous.” Kuroo explained with a vague wave of his hand. 

 

“I am not jealous.” Daichi said blushing hard. 

 

“So are you mad because I beat you at dancing or are you mad that I was all up on your boyfriend?” Iwaizumi drawled unable to help himself from rubbing Daichi’s face in it. 

 

“Shut up, you’re just jealous that I have a boyfriend, unlike yourself.” 

“Oh come on Daichi, we’re not 12, don’t be like that. Besides I already said I was sorry now sit down and behave.” Iwaizumi said nudging him playfully and crossing to sit next to Oikawa on the couch. 

 

“He kind of has a point though,” Kuroo said perching next to Ushijima. “You’re single and you’re always hanging around Oikawa like you’re compensating.” 

 

“Wow, we’re really going there aren’t we?” Iwaizumi said flicking his phone open to check his email, trying to kill the conversation, his skin was crawling. 

 

“Nah see, you’d be perfect! You’re all insecure about your looks and he’s all insecure about the rest of him! You’d pan out perfectly.” Kuroo said poking at the sore spot he’d found. 

 

“Really Kuroo, cut it out.” Iwaizumi muttered quietly adjusting himself so he was as far from Oikawa as he could be without getting up. Oikawa’s eyebrows furrowed at his friend’s discomfort. 

 

“I’m just pointing out what you’re too chicken-shit to confess too Iwaizumi…”

 

“That’s enough.” Oikawa said gruffly eyes flashing in Kuroo’s direction reading a warning.” There was silence. Iwaizumi’s face was molten, Oikawa was angry, and the rest of the group all looked sheepish and uncomfortable. 

 

“Um, Hajime-kun, maybe we should go home now?” Yachi prompted. “We do have to take Kenma home.” 

 

“Right.” Iwaizumi said messing up his hair and taking a breath. “Let’s get going, what do you need me to carry?” Yachi loaded Iwaizumi up with fabric and Kenma was sweeping notions into a bag when Daichi spoke up. 

 

“Do you think those names that you and I came up with after class the other day were okay?” 

 

“Um, yeah.” Iwaizumi said looking back towards the group. “We thought Daichi could be Prometheus and I could be Atlas. Sound okay?” The awkward vibe still hung in the air so Bokuto mumbled something about that sounding awesome in affirmative. Yachi, Kenma, and Iwaizumi left a moment later waving goodbye with false cheer. Once they were gone the group rounded on Oikawa. 

 

“What the hell was that all about?” Daichi asked. “First of all Kuroo if you keep doing that to your friends you’re not going to have any friends. You saw he didn’t want to joke about it you should have stopped. Second, Oikawa did something happen? Is he going to be okay?” 

 

“Calm down Dad-chan he’s going to be fine. Look at am going to say this once and only once. Iwa-chan confessed to me after Spring High in third year he said he loved me and I told him no. No, I didn’t want a boyfriend to anchor me down while I was exploring in college. I hurt him very badly and that is a decision I regret and I have worked very hard to keep him in my life because I love him very much. We will not talk about this or joke about this again. It is a very sensitive topic and I don’t want him hurting, am I clear?” Oikawa’s dead serious tone and stone cold expression had everyone, even Kuroo, nodding in agreement. “Good, so give him tonight and he’ll be fine in the morning for dress rehearsal. Treat him normally, like this didn’t happen.” 

 

“Understood.” Kuroo said. “Should I apologize or leave it?” 

 

“I think just leave it. Iwa-chan will know by your actions that you’re sorry.” Oikawa provided. “So, moving on I think we have everything we need for dress rehearsal tomorrow am I right?”

 

“I finished all the mixing this evening so I should be well prepared.” Akaashi said, looking pleaseed to be back to more comfortable conversation. 

 

“Yachi should have everything done, everyone looks good on the dances, and we all have stripper names now.” Bokuto listed off on his fingers. 

 

“And all the other props we need will be provided for us there.” Ushijima finished. 

 

“Great, alright then hands in, kids.” Kuroo said sticking his arm out and the others hands piled on top of his. “Let’s make some money!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would like to formally apologize to Persephone, Queen of the Underworld


	5. A Bad Dress Rehearsal means a Great Opening Night!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for your feedback guys. For those of you who asked for Iwaoi- don't worry, I gottchu. For those of you who asked for BoAka- don't worry , I gottchu. Don't worry this isn't gonna be angsty. Were here for trashy stripper boys and their ludicrous mishaps. This is what we will get. 
> 
> So have a baby chapter, next time will be less snappy dialogue and more sexy dancing.

Dress Rehearsal was hectic to say the least. Most of it was centered around Kenma and Akaashi trying to fix a problem with the sound system. This in turn made Yachi panicy making her accidently stab Oikawa with a needle while she was fitting him which made him jump and scream, which put Ushijima on the phone with 911 because he assumed the worst. 

 

It really was an astounding mess. Daichi had taken over the phone and was trying to apologize to the angry 911 operator and Suga was trying to comfort Ushijima who was down because he had made everything worse. Oikawa was apologizing profusely to Yachi and Iwaizumi, Kuroo, and Bokuto were staying as far away from the train wreck as possible. 

 

Eventually things did calm down though. Everyone got fitted into their costumes and it became extremely awkward because trying to acknowledge your friends while their junk is on display was not something they had prepared themselves for. They mostly stuck to teasing each other, which was both normal and comfortable, even though Bokuto’s typical ass slap was not as welcome when your ass was bare. 

 

They ran their show twice and began tidying up for the performance tomorrow. Everyone noticed that Iwaizumi seemed to be his normal self and that brought some tension to a close. No one wanted awkward drama on the eve of the show. But iwaizumi was his normal snappy self- more than happy to help anyone with whatever problem they were having, so the group was relaxed. 

 

Kuroo was trying to help Kenma get the sound system in a place where they wouldn’t have the same issues tomorrow. 

 

“So how do you know all this sound stuff?” Kuroo asked Kenma was was puttering at the board. 

 

“I major in tech theatre with my concentration in lighting and sound.” Kenma said with a shurg. 

 

“Oh, I thought you were a customer…” Kuroo muttered, embarrassed. 

 

“I do my work study in the costume shop is all. I like it. Its nice to know as much as I can about stuff so I can be helpful. I don’t like just standing around like a bump on a log, I feel in the way. Plug in the red cord please.” 

 

Kuroo smiled and slipped the red cord into its proper socket. “That’s really cool Kenma. Anyway, you’re certainly more useful here than I am.” 

 

“I don’t think that’s true.” Kenma said ducking under the desk to check something. “You’re in charge of this whole thing and you helped teach like four of your friends to dance not to mention choreographed the whole thing. I think that’s pretty admirable.” Popping back out and firmly facing forward. Kuroo could see a light flush on the back of his neck. “Alright, we should be all good for tomorrow.” Kenma said gathering his things to leave. 

 

“Thanks Kitten.” Kuroo said with a smirk. Kenma frowned at him. 

 

“Don’t call me that. I like you better when you’re being yourself and not the playboy act.” And with that Kenma swept out of the room leaving a blushing Kuroo in his wake. 

 

“So fucked. I am, so, fucked.” Kuroo mumbled running his hand through his hair to join his friends to get some rest for their show tomorrow. 

 

*********   
“Bokuto. Stop bouncing.” Daichi hissed over his shoulder. 

 

“I can’t help it! I’m excited it’s finally time for the show! Look how many girls are out there!” Bokuto chirped. 

 

“I know, but there is way too much of you available right now for that much bouncing.” Daichi said putting his head in his hands. 

 

“Calm down buddy, it’s gonna be okay.” Kuroo said sneaking in behind him and rubbing his shoulders. 

 

“Ok that’s something else we shouldn’t be doing.” 

 

“You know, Sawamura you’re awfully uptight for a guy we all heard pounding his boyfriend into the mattress last night.” Kuroo said with a smirk. 

 

“Ew, Kuroo, leave him alone.” Iwaizumi sighed. “He’s up first and he just perfected this routine a few days ago of course he’s nervous.”

 

“Somehow I don’t think that is helping.” Ushijima mumbled. 

 

“Well then what do you have to say Ushiwaka? At least I’m trying…”

 

“Now is not the time for you two to be bickering!”

 

“Guy, it’s almost time!” 

 

“Bokuto-san, you need to be quieter….”

 

“You hypocrite!”

 

“Iwa-chan please, not now!”

 

_ “Ladies, welcome to tonight’s presentation,” _

 

“Fuck, its starting.”

 

_ “The ride of your life,” _

 

“This is so cool!”

 

“Shut UP, Bokuto!”

 

_ “The gods of Hunk Drunk!” _


	6. Hit the Dance Floor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know, I suck at updating. 
> 
> Here's a nice chunky chapter for waiting.

The lights went down and the music came up. The group glided on stage forming a V. The crowd was already cheering as the boys lined up, backlit by the screen behind them. Lights flared up and movement started from the back of the V, Bokuto and Ushijima striking a pose, then Iwaizumi and Daichi, both flexing for the throng of women, and finally Oikawa draped himself over Kuroo who looked sexily uninterested. A prerecorded sound effect called out each of their names. 

 

“Zeus!” Ushijima rolled his body, palming at his crotch and raising a triumphant fist. 

 

“Eros!” Bokuto pulled out all the stops doing a back handspring and throwing up finger guns to the closest girl who shrieked. 

 

“Prometheus!” Daichi dropped to the floor doing three one armed pushups in quick succession. 

 

“Atlas!” Iwaizumi ran his hands up his body tangling his hands in his hair as he swiveled his hips. 

 

“Persephen!” Oikawa tossed his hair and dragged his tongue through the air up Kuroo’s neck.

 

“Hades!” Kuroo dropped to one knee taking the hand of a girl in the front row and kissing it gently. 

 

The noise was insane, more than they thought they would get. They’d barely done anything already and they had the ladies eating out of the palm of their hand. The show was theirs to mess up at this point. The group trickled off stage leaving Daichi alone to start the first routine. 

 

*

 

Suga was standing back by the bar, here under pretense that he was the group’s manager. His eyes were glued to the stage where his boyfriend stood legs spread, head down, hands clasped in front of him, waiting for the music to start for him. He was pulling off the “good boy” trope well. He was wearing a pair of khakis, a blue button up, and an old letterman jacket. 

 

The music started low, gaining in volume as the intro play out. Daichi bounced on the balls of his feet to the rhythm and when the first lyrics started he threw his head back running a hand through his hair. His body rolled and his hips snapped. Suga found himself drooling as Daichi worked the stage. The first thing to go was the jacket, eased off his shoulders and allowed to pool at his feet. The buttons of his shirt came undone in rhythm. Daichi popping them out one by one until he could, straining, pull himself from the shirt. Daichi dropped to the floor now, his thick chest shiny with sweat. 

 

Suga felt hot under his collar and a pang of what felt like jealousy flared in his stomach as he watched women throw money at Daichi, calling his name and screaming for him. Daichi scooted to the edge of the stage throwing his legs over the side. He wiped his face with this hands and dragged them over his stomach and into his pants. He popped the button and the girls around him went into hysterics. He gave a gentle smirk and slowly pulled down the zipped. When the girls started pawing at him he pushed himself back on to the stage into a standing position where he confidently pulled down his pants, leaving him in nothing but a black jock strap. Suga started running multiplication tables as Daichi turned around flexing and showing off his muscles for the audience as the song came to a close. He smiled and bowed, quickly scooping up his money and making way for the next dancer. 

 

*

 

In the audience Ushijima, dressed sharply in a fine cut black suit and tie was playing a game with some of the ladies who had stepped away from the main horde. 

 

“Come on, just the tie, please?” One blonde was crooning at him, her two friends nodding vigorously. 

 

“If I lose the tie you have to promise to me good for me.” Ushijima replied chucking the blonde under the chin and running his finger down the column of her neck. 

 

“We promise!” Said her brunette friend sidling up to Ushijima. 

 

“Now now, no touching, that’s not being good.” Ushijima reprimanded. 

 

“How about this? Is this being good?” The last girl asked holding up a $20 and tucking it into his breast pocket. Ushijima smiled, close lipped and rumbled. 

 

“That’s very good.” He reached up and loosened the knot at his tie pulling the fabric free and draping it over the girl’s neck like a trophy. 

 

“I want to see more, Zeus!” The blonde pouted scrabbling at her purse and pressing some cash into his hands. “Please, I’ll be so good.” Ushijima gave a low chuckle as he popped open his jacket and undid five buttons on his shirt letting the smooth planes of his broad chest be seen. 

 

“You tease.” The blonde said giving him a playful slap on the shoulder. 

 

“As long as you’re good you’ll get more. Now how about a few more drinks?” 

*

Oikawa was peeking out from behind the curtains as Iwaizumi went up. Iwaizumi was dressed fully in leather, leather pants, leather jacket, the works, and Oikawa thought he looked hot as hell. The music blared up and the first thing Iwaizumi did was thrust his hips forward, he was the bad boy after all. He cupped his hands around himself as he thrust again, his legs powerfully flexing. Iwaizumi teased the crowd and Oikawa. Starting to take his clothes off and then seeming to this better of it. Finally, finally the jacket came off and Iwaizumi’s bronze skin was iridescent. 

 

“Show us your arms!” someone screamed and Iwaizumi grinned and flexed his arms showing off his generous biceps. Then he stretched his arms high above his head effectively flexing his whole torso to put his tight abs and strong chest on display. The women loved it. Money rained on him. Hell if Oikawa had any money he would have been throwing it Iwaizumi too. He tried to put the thought of how much he wanted to lick Iwaizumi out of his mind as he watched as Iwaizumi moved to his pants. Iwaizumi snuck his hands into the back of his pants and pulled and Yachi’s ingenious tear aways were put to use. Iwaizumi was now in assless chaps. The only thing holding his business together was a thin back thong. Iwaizumi turned around and slapped his ass, leaving a red handprint and the girls went crazy for it. The song ended and Iwaizumi collected his things and rushed offstage, almost plowing into Oikawa. 

 

“Nice job, Iwa-chan.” 

 

“Do not make fun of me.”

 

“I wasn’t.” Oikawa said looking him in the eye. All of a sudden they were too close and Iwaizumi became very aware that he didn’t have pants on. 

 

“You’re up. Good luck.” Iwaizumi huffed turning to go. 

 

“It’s ‘break a leg’, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa said reaching out and slapping Iwaizumi’s behind right on the irritated red spot. Oikawa didn’t know which he liked more, palming Iwaizumi’s ass, or the tiny yelping noise he made when he got slapped.

*

Akkashi eyed Bokuto from the booth. He has surrounded himself with a huge group of people, including the bachelorette herself. It was endearing to see how magnetic his boyfriend was. He was wearing a thin white tshirt and gold boxing shorts that hugged his ass and thighs. 

 

“Wait, you guys are gonna love this.” Bokuto was saying. Pulling up a chair from one of the nearby tables and grabbing a pitcher of water. “Ready?” He dramatically threw himself over the chair and upended the pitcher of water over himself. “FLASHDANCE!” The girls were laughing and more than one of them was ogling Bokuto’s defined pecs that were now clearly visible through his wet shirt. Akkashi hummed sure Bokuto would be pleased to know he’d win a wet tshirt contest any day in Akkashi’s mind. 

 

“Eros you’re all wet now!” The bachelorette giggled pressing some money into his hands. Bokuto smiled. 

 

“I know how to fix that.” And with a flourish he had tossed his shirt to the side now he was all pale skin stretched over tight muscle. 

 

“Eros, I’m Eri, I booked you guys!” One of the girls introduced hereslf. “I think that Asa here needs a lap dance what about you?” The bachelorette threw up her hands and giggled. 

 

“Eri! I couldn’t!” She blushed side eyeing Bokuto. 

 

“Are you sure? I’m pretty great at them!” Bokuto said with a confident grin. Eri pushed a chair up behind Asa, nudging her knees to make her sit. Akkashi almost forgot to change the song he was so wrapped up in what was going on on the floor. 

 

Bokuto went right up to Asa and put his hands on her shoulders rolling his body in time with the song that was playing before letting her go and popping his shoulders. Akkashi watched Bokuto work himself back into her lap grinding his ass back down against her. Bokuto turned around straddling her and thrusting his hips up towards her face. Akkashi flushed as he imagined himself in her place. Bokuto slid down her body, his face between her knees. He could see Asa with her face in her hands overwhelmed by Bokuto’s display. As Bokuto finished up the other girls started waving money and calling for their turn. Akkashi turned his attention back to the stage, his only thought being that he was going to wreck Bokuto later. 

 

*

 

Kenma sat up in the booth running the light board. He was getting tired, this wasn’t really his thing. Loud noises and lots of sweaty people that is. They were finally at the last performance of the night and Kenma could barely keep his thoughts from straying to where he had left off on his PSP when they started. The music was slower for this dance than the others. Oikawa was onstage all in white, a billowy shirt and soft looking pants. He rolled his head in his hands, looking lost and lonely then Kuroo came on and Kenma perked up. Kuroo was dressed in black to contrast Oikawa a baggy shirt and tight pants, he looked like a hip hop dancer. Kuroo slid up to Oikawa gripping his hips and pulling him back against him. They rolled their hips together pulling back across the stage.

 

Kenma was entranced by Kuroo, not that he’d ever admit that out loud. By him as a person and him as a dancer. The way he moved was so filled with passion Kenma almost felt like Kuroo really did have a thing for Oikawa. Kuroo was sliding his hands under Oikawa’s shirt now, pulling it off him and tossing it aside and Oikawa leaned down and cradled Kuroos face in his hands. It was a sensual dance, there was significantly less screaming. Everyone was busy staring at the dancers, it felt private, like they were intruding on a moment and they loved it. It was scandalous. 

 

By the time they were done and Oikawa had pulled off Kuroo’s pants they stood there in panties of all things. Oikawa now in black and Kuroo in white holding hands. They bowed. Kenma had to stop the urge to applaud himself. Now that would be embarrassing. Just like it would be to tell Kuroo he had a massive crush on him. That he would keep to himself. 

 

*

The rest of the night followed in a blur. The boys all gave lap dances, Bokuto broke a table, Ushijima was had people trying to pay him to take off the underwear he had been stripped down too, Daichi was dancing on a twisted ankle, and Oikawa had a woman propose to him. But finally the evening came to end and they all got up onstage for one last bow before they wrapped up to go home. 

 

“You know, we were pretty good.” Bokuto said as they got changed. “We should be a real act!” 

 

“You mean keep doing this? You’re crazy.” Daichi said. 

 

“Well think about it.” Kuroo said “How much money did you make just for your set Daichi?”

 

“Couple hundred bucks.”

 

“That’s tax free money man, you couldn’t take your clothes off once in a while for that much money?” 

 

“I don’t know…”

 

“Well what I know if right now is I am very sticky and would like a long shower.” Ushijima piped up. “Can we go now, please?” 

 

“Yeah yeah, let’s get going.” Kuroo said and the group traipsed toward their cars. Oikawa held back, grabbing Iwaizumi’s sleeve to keep him with him. 

 

“What’s up?” Iwaizumi asked looking concerned. 

 

“Iwa-chan, do you still love me?”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Because I love you. I should never have turned you down all those years ago. I was so jealous of those girls you danced for tonight and I care about you more than anything. But it all means nothing if you don’t love me too…” Oikawa cut off as he felt the faint press of lips to his cheek. 

 

“Stupidkawa. I’ve always loved you.” Oikawa beamed and grabbed Iwaizumi’s arm wrapping himself around it. What a great night for a show. 


End file.
